the sky is full of dreams, but you don't know how to fly.

I have always been comfortable with familiarity. Sure, I enjoy my share of exciting new experiences, but when the day ends I need something to fall back on. Something to make me feel alright at the end of the day, no matter what I did, or what happened on that particular day.
In the past, I have most always found that comforting sense of regularity in my close friends, and specifically, whether I like to admit it or not, in the girl I happen to be involved with at the time. And I never seemed to have trouble finding a nice lady. I believed I was a pretty decent guy, and things were great. Until recently. And I'm not completely sure if this is because of bad luck, bad taste, or bad me. I haven't had a steady girlfriend since before school, and every attempt at gaining one has failed catastrophically, with repercussions in more areas than just my love life.
Recent events now taken into account, I do not have familiarity with practically any social function. I leave the house for school, and church, and that's about it. All have my close friends have, by myself, them, or random chance, been squandered. Sitting at home has become the most common use of my time. My parents and sister have much busier lives than I do at this point, so I find myself home alone quite a bit. At first, I thought I was going to hate it, and suffer through every second. Usually when I spend excess time by myself, I get to thinking about things that make me slightly miserable. But none of that has happened. I have a new found appreciation for tea, playing the music my family doesn't enjoy, and excess amounts of warm showers. I have found alone time a fantastic opportunity to talk with the Lord, and with His help, the issues on my mind sometimes get resolved. I am starting to realize a girl loving me does not validate the time I spend. In fact, I've never really talked to anyone about my feelings on that subject. But things are changing.
All of this alone time has let me focus on the things that need to be in the spotlight. I am starting to work on making a commitment to my schoolwork, because apparently, C's do not give proper representation of my intelligence. I have also thought about pursuing acting more. I can't wait for the spring show for school. I've decided to join the CSA acting class in April, thanks to wonderful people who believe I belong there. I'm also taking an advanced theatre class this semester, which is taught by one of my favorite people, Marsha Vermilion.
So all in all, I suppose things are looking slightly up, when all I can imagine is everything looking down. And I am thankful for it.